I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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