Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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