everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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