i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
And then he peed in my hair
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