The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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