That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
