happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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