Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
