More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
