ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
