just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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