It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
