Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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