His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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