she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Houston, we have a squirter
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
