There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
