saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Come on in and take your pants off
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