I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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