3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
