Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
