If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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