So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
