This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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