My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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