Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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