Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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