She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
