piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
