you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
