Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
