K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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