Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
