I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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