I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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