I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
