i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
