can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
