Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
