Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
