My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
