Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
