You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pants are for mortals
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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