just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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