I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
