she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
