this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
