omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
