I've blown a few things in my day
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hello my rib-scented angel!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
