I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
