Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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